Just imagine, you are at an Indian wedding. The priest is trying his best to ensure everything is running smoothly. As usual, there is that one person in the audience who knows best. Ah! Sorry, those few who feel certain that they know better than the priest. Even before the first action is carried out, this or shall we say, these persons have begun to have their say in the matter. Instructing the priest as well as the bride and the groom and of course, the parents of the bride just how the wedding ought to be conducted.
Nothing uncommon about this, an experienced person would agree. Here, though, the priest has the upper hand and instructs that all those who are not directly involved in the wedding may kindly sit down and enjoy the wedding. Just as per the request to all in their invitation card. After all, they were invited to come and enjoy, not being a hindrance in the ceremony.
Finally, all present sit down and the wedding ceremony gets on the way.
From here, I can take this article in a number of directions. For now, I will attend to two main theories that have somehow “survived the storms!” whereas they really ought to have been snubbed long before the end of the last century. As and when I do write more along these lines, I will refer to this article so as to avoid repeating the introduction.
THE SWORD:
In comes the groom with a dagger in one hand, a coconut and a bouquet of flowers in the other. All of which is to be placed by the Ganesh Sthapan [a designated area where Lord Ganesh has been invited and offered a place]. Placing the Sword symbolised one conceding to the supreme powers. The coconut symbolised life at the mercy of Shree Ganesh whereas the bouquet of flowers symbolised the behaviour in life.
The sword that once was carried by a groom for his personal protection was later replaced – purely symbolic - by a dagger. There have been and still are certain sections of the communities within the Sanatan Dharma (Hindu Religion for the unaware ones!) who feel that the sword is a correct form of weapon and must accompany the groom. The less aggressive therefore tolerated this continuation of such arrogance. Before I go on to explain further reasons for carrying a sword, to continue, such arrogant people made the groom continue to hold on to the sword for the entirety of the ceremony; tiresome and totally inadequate, if you ask me. How does a groom enjoy his own wedding with such heavy thing in his hand all day long? Furthermore, just how can he hold on to the sword in his right hand, hold the brides right hand and take the vows by going round the fire not once, not twice but for a total of four times? In addition thereafter, feed the bride with his right hand, carry out best part of the ceremony with his right hand and bow down to beg blessings from the elders? I cannot even begin to contemplate such enormous burden. Absurd, don’t you think?
I can go on but I think you get the picture. Now, the real reason for carrying the sword goes back in time to when the moguls began to invade the kingdoms of the East, than known as “Bharat” [More on this subject later!]. Unlike previous wars wherein the wars were declared and only fought during the sunlight hours and then, only between the warriors; this new breed of warriors from the West was more interested in kidnaps, rapes and killing of the civilians.
The warriors of the day had unanimously decided to carry a weapon at all times to protect themselves, those around them and the country as a whole. Soon, this became a ritual. The practice was taken so seriously that despite so many attending occasions such as weddings; even the groom carried a sword, simply as a force of habit.
Of the late, all but the groom dropped the idea of carrying a sword. The people attending however adamantly protest that the groom must still carry a sword throughout the ceremony. Even to this day!
GROOM’S REFUSAL TO FIRST MEAL:
Again, another sector of the Sanatan/Hindu community has yet another one of those out-dated and illogical belief being exercised to this date.
This particular community has a ritual that the groom refuses the first meal that the bride’s mother offers. There are many variations to the reasons why this is so. One being that the groom is thought to be ignorant and childish to accept any offerings. Whilst I may be able to add more reasons, none was any better or convincing than the preceding one.
One idea also flows from the time when part of this community converted to be Sunni Muslim to avoid atrocities mentioned above. Under such circumstances it could have been possible that one of those converted persons may have prepared the said food and hence to avoid indulging in this activity the groom turned his face in refusal. If this happens to be the case, once again, in the 21st century, this practice really has no reason for continuation.
Having said so, the real reasons for offering this food are numerous. For simplicity, I will list only a couple herein. The ones not only logical but also close to my heart:
a) Both the bride and the groom are advised to fast for this day. This not only means less or no food but also less or no liquid intake either. Not because of any religious reasons but for having to be excused to relieve themselves at any stage during the proceedings of the ceremony. Coming towards the end of the ceremony, it is time for the bride and the groom to be fed so that the guests and dignitaries can be served thereafter. Guests would not normally eat any food until this part of the ceremony is over. Unfortunately, in the modern times, often the food to the guests is offered long before the bride and the groom are fed! Worse, some guests also have little respect for the occasion and embark on food as if to imply that they were only attending for this reason.
b) When this food or sweet is offered to the bride and the groom, more often than not, the couple are none-the-wiser but for their relatives informing that the groom must turn his face away indicating refusal of such offerings. Refusal of such food is not only an insult to the bride’s mother who so very kindly extended her love for the groom but for many others. To name a few, the person who prepared the food, the individuals involved in selling the ingredients including the utensils, heating etc., the persons involved in actually growing the ingredients but above all the earth who so silently made this one sacrifice for her children and helped grow a given item; may that be edible item or the ore from which the utensils were made or the oil or gas that assisted in cooking such items. So, instead of collecting the blessings from all those who otherwise would have benefited from the purchase of such items, the groom is being asked to refuse and thus accept the curses from all of the above.
The sooner this practice is discontinued, the more blessings one WILL attain from all around. After all, the groom is not a son of his mother or a son-in-law of a mother-in-law but is seated under the alter (mandap) as one Lord Vishnu. There is no where in Srimad Gita, Srimad Bhagwat or Mahabharat where Lord Vishnu in the form of Lord Krishna OR in Ramayan in the form of Lord Ram refuses food except in Mahabharat when offered by Kauravs – the evil. So, on this basis and as suggested, the groom representing Lord Vishnu really ought not to turn his face away!
From time to time, as the ridiculous or outdated rituals come to light, I will add them on this page. I urge you that you bookmark this page and keep an eye on any additions. Today is the 18th December 2009. Later date will be typed hereunder as and when any amendments are added.
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